Wednesday, July 13, 2005

"The Greatest" love of all, a week-day review...

I had seen this tasty morsel in the movie “Spanglish” and just had to make one of these tasty looking motherfuckers for myself. Luckily on the DVD part of the special features was a recipe on how to make “The Worlds Greatest Sandwich,” and here’s my review on it. Oh yeah, the movie is pretty good too, I just chose not to review it. Anywhore, read on.


“The Worlds Greatest Sandwich”

In the movie Adam Sandler makes this unbelievable looking sandwich and I swear to god if the damn thing had tits I would have married it on looks alone! It’s pretty much a glorified BLT, but I think a BLT costs around
$4-$5 in any given restaurant. When you buy all the ingredients for “The Worlds Greatest Sandwich” it comes out to be around $20! If they threw in a hand job or something with this then it would be a deal, but then satisfying my curiosity on how delicious this sandwich might actually be was well worth it. I don’t like to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty dope in the kitchen! Maybe its from all those years as a latch key kid in my youth, or just natural talent? I dunno, but I do know I can whip shit up like a Mexican Iron Chef! I’ve cooked for friends and family on numerous occasions and always leave them satisfied! If you hear different perhaps I fucked up their meals on purpose, the ungrateful bastards! Anyway, whipping up this sandwich was no challenge to me. If you’re not too good in the kitchen I’ll try and make the instructions as easy as possible for you.

Here are the ingredients you’ll need to buy if you choose to make this damn thing:

1 pack of thick sliced bacon (don’t be a cheap ass and buy generic regular bacon either! Trust me; the thick bacon is required for a reason)

1 loaf of rustic rye bread (you have a better chance of finding the Baby Jesus next to the virgin Mary Mexican candles than you do finding this bread in your average supermarket. I went with Ciabatta bread, it’s fancy and easier to find)

1 Fresh Tomato

1 Head of Fresh lettuce (Iceberg works nice, but I suppose other kinds work to?)

1 jar of mayonnaise (not that Miracle Whip shit!)

1 serving of sliced Monterey Jack cheese (Deli sliced is best)

1 Large or Jumbo egg (a small egg just won’t do)

Now I had been on a beer bender the night before and didn’t shake the hang over until well into the latter part of the day. Around 5pm I think? I wasn’t in the mood to drink beer 1) because I was hung over and the smell of beer would have made me puke on my shoes 2) I drank it all the night before. I only mention this because in the movie Monsieur Sandler pours himself a nice frosty pilsner of brewha to accompany the sandwich. The sandwich is supposed to be somewhat salty to the palette and the beer compliments the sandwich, or so they say in the movie. I found that Arnold Palmers were just as good as beer so I recommend those for all drunks and non-drinkers. (Arnold Palmers are a tall glass of half Iced Tea and half Lemonade. Frozen Lemonade or pulpy Lemonade is best)

Here are the steps to making “The Worlds Greatest Sandwich”:

Fry up the thick ass expensive bacon in a pan and set napkins to absorb the grease. Don’t over cook the bacon; let it be a bit meaty, but not raw! If you over cook it your just going to cut up the roof of your mouth and that doesn’t go good with Lemonade!

Take your bread and cut out two big slices (now remember, your are supposed to have a loaf! Don’t buy that pre-sliced lazy fucker bread!) I had Ciabatta bread so I just cut off 1/3 of the loaf, then sliced it down the middle. It worked fine and dandy that way.

Take the tomato and slice it into medium slices. You don’t want them too thick because, well…it’s just gross that way. Medium slices are perfect. Don’t argue with me.

Next take your head of lettuce and peel off some nice green leafs and rinse them off.

Now put the two pieces of sliced bread into a toaster over and let it toast until lightly browned. You don’t want to put this in a regular toaster because it will toast too much on both sides, and again, you’ll just end up cutting up the roof of your mouth when biting into this big ass sandwich! If you use a toaster oven it’ll toast the top of the bread, but only lightly toast the bottom, thus making the bread easier to eat and not as crunchy.

While the bread is toasting heat up a pan/griddle/skillet and put a small about of oil in it (I prefer olive oil, its muy tasty. Trust me). Move the warm oil around in the pan and crack one egg into it. Try and crack the egg so it doesn’t spread out like an octopus, you are going to put the egg in the sandwich with the yolk in the center and it’s not really supposed to be crunchy. The egg is supposed to be cooked over easy, but just barely. You don’t want to cook the yolk too much! If you aren’t so good with cooking eggs, here’s a good way to cook the top. Heat the oven to about 350 degrees and once the egg is cooked on the bottom pop the pan in the oven for a couple of mins until the runny top of the egg is no longer runny. DO NOT OVER COOK!

Take one piece of the toasted bread and place two slices of the jack cheese on it and pop in the toaster oven and toast until the cheese melts. This should only take a minute so keep your eye on it!

Once the bread and egg are ready place the bread on a plate and assemble your goods like so:

Place the bacon on top of the slice of bread with the cheese. It’s best to do this while the cheese is still warm and melted. This makes the bacon stick to the bread so it doesn’t fall out with the first bite.

After you put the bacon on the bread carefully place the egg on top of the bacon with the yolk at the center of the bread.

Now put the lettuce on top of the egg, followed by the slices of tomato on top of the lettuce. After this put some mayo on the remaining piece of bread and place on top of the sandwich.

The final step is to slice the sandwich down the middle so the yolk runs down the sandwich. This is a delicate process so don’t rush it!

Now take a couple of steps back and look at the sandwich with the satisfaction of knowing it was YOU who made such a pretty plate of food! Pour you drink and devour the little bastard!

Ain't she purty?!

I felt kind of bad eating my big ass sandwich because while I took my first bite I was watching Live 8 and felt guilty looking at starving, scrawny people while I sat home eating my gluttonous sammich! This was quickly resolved by changing the channel until I was done eating.

So, was it “The Worlds Greatest Sandwich”? I wouldn’t go that far! It really is just a souped up BLT, but don’t get me wrong it was THE GOODS! I don’t think I was hungry for the rest of the day after eating this monstrosity! I think it was more along the lines of “The O.C.’s Really Delicious Sandwich”! Try it for yourself though, we all have our own opinions!

“The Worlds Greatest Sandwich” - ***1/2 Stars (damn fine eating I’ll tell you what!)

Motherfucking delicious yo!



Blogger bornfool said...

Great post, as usual. I'll give the sammich a try.

7:43 PM  
Blogger MiMi said...

I wonder if it tastes good with parmesan oregano bread, my favorite. Mmmm...When I was reading it I hadn't eaten since breakfast and so I started to like almost taste it in my mouth as I was reading along. LOL. Yum.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Danny Fudge said...

COME ON!!! How bout a new post! They're great!!

4:36 PM  

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